I don’t like admitting this, but I’m not good at endings. Whether I’m engaged in a Focusing partnership or working with clients as a Focusing-oriented therapist, I find them difficult. A few years ago, something happened which highlighted the need to give endings more attention, and I’ve found Focusing a real blessing in that exploration.
There’s a particular moment I keep returning to when I contemplate endings in my work. A client and I were nearing what we both suspected might be the last phase of our time together. As she spoke, her hand drifted towards her heart and stayed there. I noticed a soft settling in my own belly, and with it, a quiet sense that something important was shifting.
In these situations we all know to take a breath, so I duly paused and turned my attention more deeply inward. I sensed for how “ending” was living in my body just then. At first there was a familiar tightness in my throat, the kind that says, “Oh no, not yet.” As I stayed with it, another layer appeared — an image of a path narrowing into a simple wooden gate. When I checked this with my client, describing my sense that we were approaching a gate, a kind of threshold, she nodded and her shoulders dropped. Something in her recognised the metaphor of that image too.
From there, my next words came less from my head and more from that bodily sense. I heard myself say, “Would it be okay to spend a little time sensing together what might be on each side of that gate?” What followed wasn’t a neat decision but a shared exploration: was something transitioning to completion? What still felt unfinished? What might belong to life beyond our work together rather than inside it?
It would be a relief if endings arrived as a calendar date in the diary; instead they tend to arrive as a shy, bodily “this is enough now.” When I make room for that quieter knowing, endings have an opportunity to unfold more naturally — ideally collaborative, and with a willingness to accept that sometimes they are decidedly messy. What seems most helpful is listening carefully, together, to what wants to happen next. If this feels right, I invite you to pause and turn toward your own sense of an ending on the horizon — whether it’s a session, a relationship, or a role. Gently ask inside, “How does this ending live in my body right now?” Then wait, a little longer than is comfortable, to see whether an image, gesture, or phrase emerges from there.
BIO Clare Myatt, LL.B., M.A., is an experienced practitioner using the lens of somatics/embodiment to inform her integrative coach-therapy. She was certified as a Focusing Practitioner in 2018, in Focusing Oriented Therapy in 2023 and her second book will be published this year: How the Door Closes - Skilful Endings in Coaching and Therapy.
www.claremyatt.co.uk
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